Welfare English

I was going through some of my old college notes the other day trying to make room for some other junk and I found this, it made me laugh so hard I had tears! One of my English teachers handed it out to the class to show us how the ordering of words can change the meaning of a sentence entirely. Hope you find it as amusing as I did. Since there are so many, I'll just send a few at a time.

Welfare English:
(Sentences taken from actual letters received by the local welfare dept. in application for support)

1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

2. I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for four years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay I have six children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.